I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
