Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
