I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
