why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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