we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
