i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
