i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
