we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
