you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
