ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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