I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
