Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
