you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
