Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
