i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
