Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
