i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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