life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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