i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
