I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
