My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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