mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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