Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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