and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just invented taco cereal.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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