I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
