I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I need moral support for this bender
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
