He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
