i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
