fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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