haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
