i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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