Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
