I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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