I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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