i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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