8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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