great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
