worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
