I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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