Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
