if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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