I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
