she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
