ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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