last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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