Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
