I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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