You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
