He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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