Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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