First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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