i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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