So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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