He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
