i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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