It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
