and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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