Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
