how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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