My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
