My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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