took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it was like eating out sand paper
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
