I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
