he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
