dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
