God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
