i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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