Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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