You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
