found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
