so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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