I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
