I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
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I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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