weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
