This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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