Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
