We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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